pee pee in the potty!

HE did it again...

Allow me to brag-

Caden, my not even

1 and a half years old,

went potty in the toilet!

i've only done this parent

thing for 17 months,

but from what I hear

mr. caden is pretty young

to be going pee pee

in the potty.

This time he said, "poo poo"

as he was squatting in the

living room. So I excitedly

took him to his potty, undressed

him and sat him down. He

played around for a bit, so I

didn't think he was going to be

successful this time around.

Xander was screaming in the other

room, so I had to leave caden be,

and hurry over to him. (he was slipping

out of his chair). I suddenly hear music

playing (the toilet plays music when

it sensors liquid). HE DID IT AGAIN!

Caden was still acting interested

in pooping, so I left him on the toilet.

Again, xander needed my attention

so I left caden (for a brief second) to go

tend to him. I look over my shoulder

to the bathroom and I see caden fishing

in the big toilet. ayi yi yi. This, reminding

me that he is still, yet, only 17 months old.

17 months old, but pottied TWICE

in the toilet!

Proud momma here.

if only...

I try and try to not go through the "if only," "what if" thoughts in my head. But the truth is..there are moments where I am completely consumed with them. If only I would have taken that opportunity to go to the hospital and get monitored. What if I made my doctor put me on medicine to prevent contractions, regardless of her opinions ("not medically necessary if not showing signs of contractions"). What if I didn't walk to the bathroom, while on bedrest, but used a bedside cameoed? did I shower too often? The doctor gave me a choice to stay in the hospital (at 20 weeks), if only I listened to her. If only I wasn't so adamant about being home, with caden and my husband. Was I thinking too much about my already born child, and not enough about my unborn children? If only I listened more to my body and hadn't told myself, "tough it out".

As you see...exhausting. I know...I need to trust that God had a plan and still has a plan...that I did all that I was suppose to do. He did pick ME, to go through this for a reason. Just can't get past some of the guilt...

Teaching Time (pics)

Caden is having a teachable moment. He tuckered his little brother out. But from the last picture, you can see how proud he is.

so tired

is it possible to ALWAYS be

so completely tired!?

I mean....last night I went to bed

at 8pm and woke up at 4am.

(babies had to eat)

that's plenty of sleep, right?

but I'm sitting here dragging...

Perhaps it's because my babies

are SO high maintenance.

Seriously...I was so spoiled

with Caden. He was the easiest

baby of all time. So chill and mellow.

slept most of the day. Still quite the

mellow lil' guy.

Braxton and Xander requre such

particular attention. And when I

say particular, I mean PARTICULAR.

don't think you can pick them up and

hold them like a baby. NOPE. You must

hold them in a 180 degree position

with their head cocked just the right way

so that their faces are snuggled in

your neck. Cute, yes. but exhausting. uh huh

I always feel like a nag when I'm giving people

instructions on how to handle them. It's

not for my sake. But if we don't do it JUST

right...they are LOUD and tell you about it.

They are finally back to sleep...and i now hear

Caden. Not sounding so mellow at the moment.

The day has begun....

Early Start: Evaluations completed

We all survived the 2 hour assessments...It wasn't as scary or nerve wracking as I had predicted. In fact, it felt just like an IEP. There was a nurse/case manager and the infant development teacher.

Now, I have to say...I have really high standards and had a lot of questions for the teacher. (i mean...being a teacher myself, it's only natural, right). I didn't want to sound like, "one of those moms" (and you who are in special ed know exactly what I'm talking about). The moms that over advocate (well is that really possible. by that i mean, mom's who think they know more than the professional.) Don't get me wrong...the parents know the child better than the professional, but I didn't want to come across as closed minded and not open to professional opinions. First questions i asked the two that came were, what are your qualifications and what is your background in this field. I was impressed with their answers and ready to get the assessments underway.

Both boys were put in the 0-2 months old category. Which is appropriate seeing as how they are measured at their adjusted age (2 months old). They did not have any real concerns and were very impressed with how they looked. Their first comment was on their head shape. Most preemies have a very long, skinny head (known as "toaster head"). Sad, but true. Because they are on vents and confined for so long, their heads don't get to be manipulated much. However, I was on the nurses from day one about this and they did an awesome job.

Braxton's assessment:

-some tightness in the hip area

-weak eye control

-slightly stiff neck (right side)

-arching (stiffens backwards)

-good head control

-good positioning when put on tummy

Xadner's assessment:

-stiff back (likes to arch backwards)

-great eye control, tracks well

-starting to coo and smiles. Socially very appropriate

-coordination with suck/swallow needs work (lung issues relate to this)

We will have someone come next week to show us baby massage. This helps with gas issues and over all development. very calming.

The teacher will start coming weekly and will give us "homework" with what we can do to help the boys. They set goals and are to be reached within a year. Right now everything we are doing is just for preventative purposes. NO LABELS at this point :) The stiffness can be helped with daily stretches and exercises. The eye issue with braxton will be looked at more closely next week at his eye appointment.

Over all, I was pleased and am looking forward to the teacher coming to work with the boys. If at some point things get worse, then we will be referred to an OT/PT for additional services.

Thanks for the prayers...please continue to pray for these issues.

Regional Center: assessment today

Couldn't sleep too well last night. We are getting the boys assessed by regional center today. this is a state funded program that all "at risk" infants qualify for. Because the boys are so premature, they automatically get a case. Today, however, they will assess them to see if they need on going services; such as physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc. If the boys do need services, the case manager and teacher will come weekly to work with the boys and will develop goals. this is similar to an IEP which i'm all too familiar with being that I taught special ed.

I'm trying to keep an open mind, and realize that even if they see that they do need services, it's not necessarily a "bad" thing. in fact, it's a good thing. Earlier the intervention the better for their development. However, as their mom, and a former special ed. teacher, there's those natural fears, thoughts, that my children will be labeled. I have to remember though; those "labels" don't define who they are. In fact, from experience, I know many kids are labeled for the wrong reasons. And it's just that. A label.

Must end abruptly...caden is crying upstairs. Please keep the boys in your prayers that god would give the teacher/and case manager wisdom as they work with our babies.

check back for an update

Out as a WHOLE family (pics)

The Carmona family had their first outing together. All five of us took advantage of the 80 degree weather and went for a stroll to the park. The twins did fairly well...Braxton wasn't too sure about it at first. Popped a binky in his mouth and he was all good. Xander woke up towards the end of the walk and was not havin' it anymore. The stroller is so smooth that it didn't give them that soothing sensation they like (the bumpy, jolting motion). Of course the "driver" loved the way it wheeled around so nicely.

(excuse the poor quality pictures. Of course I left the house without my real camera, so had to use the mobile)

I want to give a special thanks to Life Church, Deaf Ministry for allowing us to buy this awesome stroller. You guys totally blessed us.

Eating better. finally.

So excited to say that Xander has been eating so much better. Ever since we turned up the oxygen during his feedings, he has been taking 50-70 cc's a feeding. This is such an improvement; he was taking only 20-40 cc's before. We also now use 24 calorie formula to give him a little extra boost. We go back to the pulmonologist next week and they will determine what approach to take next. My guess is more weaning on oxygen, but continued use for feedings.

No other procedures/appointments have been made at this time concerning his stridor (raspy voice) and the echocardiogram. Waiting for approval then we'll go forward with that.

Thanks for your continued prayers...we want to see our little guy off these tubes and breathing with ease.

Pictures from the last couple days

"kangarooing" with braxton

I love my new potty or is it a chair?!...now I just have to learn to use it.

Caught Xander sucking his thumb...loudly!

Xander

Braxton

Big Boy Hair Cut

Hmm...what have I gotten myself into?!

this isn't too bad...

"uh-oh"

That tool looks scary!

The new me...well not really, this is the haircut i always get. Maybe one day my mom will mix it up for me. Nevertheless, i'm so glad its over. Towards the end of that session, I was in my mom's arms crying. I started out brave tho! My mom was impressed...she didn't have to hold me down.

oxygen weaned!

Xander was able to be weaned on his oxygen!! He is now on 1/16 a liter. The lowest you can go is 1/32. This visit was a shock to me, as I had NO idea what to expect. We waited to see 5 specialists (the lung specialist dr., dietitian, respiratory therapist, nurse, social worker).

Because Xander is having issues with the bottle, they want me to try increasing the o's when he is eating to see if this helps. Maybe he is getting winded (so to speak) and doesn't want to eat anymore; he's having to work too hard. We'll see if it makes a difference. If he doesn't gain weight, then we'll mix his formula a bit differently, giving him 24 calories, vs 22.

Next visit is in 2 weeks... We'll see what they have to say then.

Meantime, we have to schedule an appointment for an ENT, an echocardio gram, and lab work. The ENT is to check the area in the throat to see why he is soo raspy. We are trying to avoid a procedure that has to "knock him out" (forgetting the name of it right now). But that procedure would probably mean one night in the hospital. It would allow us to know if the air way is too narrow for him to breathe well.

The echocardio gram will show us if his CLD (chronic lung disease) is effecting his heart.

Lab work to see how his electrolytes are doing due to the fact that he's on a diuretic. Also to see if he still needs to potassium chloride.

He did really well! And I'm soo glad that he was able to be weaned on his oxygen...soon enough, he'll be cannula free :)

oh as for the apnea monitor...they will change the settings that it will not go off as easily. Right now it is going off if the boys heart rate goes down to 80. I learned that a 6 month old baby (which they are approaching) can have a heart rate that low and it's okay (when they are sleeping).

NOT eating

The twins saw the doctor today. She wanted to weigh them and then check out how Xander's lungs sounded. He hasn't been eating well AT ALL. For the last 2-3 days he will only take an ounce...and sometimes this is after 4 or 5 hours. His chest actually sounded fine (so no fluid that we know of on his lungs), and other than that he looked good too. Of course he only gained an ounce after 10 days. This isn't good. So what she is having me do is increase his dirul and previcid meds. These will help the fluid exchange and the reflux. After he sees the BPD doctors on Tuesdays, and comes back to see the pediatrician on Thursday, she will determine if we need to add more calories. This would mean some sort of oil that we put in his formula.

This last feeding he ate 50 and with a lot of ease...so hopefully the phase is ending and this won't be an issue anymore.

Hell on Earth?

Know the phrase, "hell on earth." I never really knew what that would look like, being that I've never visited hell (and hope to never for that matter). Well, I can honestly say...I think hell might have showed its evil face yesterday.

My friend Lauren was here most of the day helping (thank you lauren!). You would think with both of us here that the 4 loads of laundry would get done, the kitchen would be sparkling, and all the toys would be put in it's appropriate place. NOPE! It took two of us to calm the troops and deal with their needs, that we weren't able to do any chores. It was a busy day, that's for sure. However, Hell didn't rise to earth until the moment (literally) she had to leave.

She left and Caden woke up from his nap (HE never wakes up on his own in the afternoon. I always have to wake him). He woke up pulling at his ear and crying; he was super fussy. I get down stairs and both babies are a mess. So here I am...ONE mom...THREE crying babies. Of course I go to xander first, because as he's crying his face turns dusky and it's obvious he's losing brain cells due to lack of oxygen (okay maybe I'm exaggerating there, but he definitely turns colors if you let him cry for too long). Meantime, Caden is trying to yank the baby out of my arms, because, of course, he's sad and wants to be held. Can't blame the kid. But how do you explain that your little brother has CLD and needs help breathing!? This goes on for hours...mind you, I have a migraine during the whole thing.

After an hour I called my cousin that lives by and asked her to come over asap. I was not going to make it another second without going completely (and I say this with a lot of truth) insane. She gets to my house (thank you lena!), and chaos subsides a little. I was SO thankful to be able to leave that one room and to do a load laundry. (who says that?!).

Moral of the story...when hell shows it's face, don't be afraid to call for help. I am not superwoman....and cannot care for three crying babies by myself. (meantime, poor phil was working all day until 11pm). I knew I appreciated help, but this day I really REALLY appreciate those that help serve our family. What a blessing!

This post isn't intended for sympathy or for me to get, "poor you" comments. Just to show how incredibly hard this is. I have complete trust that GOd will get me through this, but my faith, yesterday, was running on empty that's for sure. Thank GOD I'm blessed with a new day.

Praying for Xander's lungs

As you know, Xander has been on oxygen since he's been home (1/8 a liter). Next week we go to the BPD clinic where they will do a full assessment to see if he can be weaned, or even taken off of it.
If you have met xander, you probably noticed he has a very raspy cry and seems to grunt a lot. My guess is that he has a injured vocal cord or the nurses even say a narrowed air way. The good news is, he doesn't have a paralyzed vocal chord (as this happens often when you are intubated for so long). When this happens there is no sound at all.
Our specific prayer this week is that Xander's lungs would completely heal themselves and grow strong enough so he can come off the oxygen when we go to his appointment (which is feb. 9th). For his sake, of course, but also this would make caring for him that much easier. It's tough having to stay in one room of the house everyday, all day. This is where the oxygen tank is, so we are confined to one area in the house. We do have travel tanks, but the hassle of hooking it up just to walk to a different room, isn't really desired. He also is started to tear the cannula right outta his nose. His arms flare and he grabs a hold of it and yanks it. Not a pleasant feeling, having tape ripped off your face.
I also think, because of his lung issues, he has such a hard time being fed. (braxton, on the other hand, has improved drastically. He is taking 80 cc's in 20 minutes!).

Thank you for praying with me!

I hear Mr. X man himself... stirring awake over there. Until next time..