another eye surgery

I got a call yesterday that I was not expecting. I knew Braxton was going to need another surgery, but I had assumed it would be in January or even February. So much for assuming. The test is next week! December 9th, he will go for his second surgery, in attempt to correct his eyes from crossing.
I am thrilled and scared all at once. Thrilled, because his original doctor will be doing the surgery. There was a big chance that she'd go on maternity leave before they could schedule Braxton's surgery. Scared-- well for the obvious. It is surgery. A weird, and I know, maybe not so valid concern, also entered my mind. The doctor is VERY pregnant. Will this effect her ability to be as precise as she needs to be. What if the baby kicks her right when she's about to cut. okay...so now I'm smiling...cuz i realize that is a lame fear to have. or is it.....

Nevertheless, please keep our lil man in your prayers. We want so very badly for this surgery to be successful and for him to be done with vision impairments.

Xander's hearing test

oops...mom slipped up. I forgot that xander has an ear infection in his right ear. Therefore, the initial test was not giving any signal. His ear drum was not moving. This is 99% due to the infection. THey did do the screening in the left ear, and the results were very similar to braxton's. So of course they want to do the ABR test in both ears when his infection clears up. So we have an appt. on the 14th to get better results. As of now, it is assumed he has the same high frequency loss. I'm now curious if genetics, the fact that they are identical twins, plays a role in the very similar graphing.

more on this in a few weeks.

Maybe you can't hear me

Phil and I took braxton to his audiology appointment last week. We started off by doing a 2 minutes screening to see if he needed the ABR (more complex test which required him to be completely still/asleep for at least 20 minutes). The doctor wasn't impressed with the initial screening; it was showing some loss, but you can never be too sure with that test, so he went ahead and did the ABR.

He was GREAT during the test....and well....lets face it, mom was pretty good too. Someone had to keep him asleep :)

After the test, we went into the conference room, and the doctor started off saying he wasn't worried at this point. But in the same breathe he said that Braxton was showing a high frequency hearing loss. He said that because of the extent of his prematurity, his brain could be playing a huge role in what he hears. His brain might not be processing those high frequency sounds yet. So we will go back in a year to determine if he will need a hearing aid or not.
So the results were inconclusive at this time. I know he can hear...but I would not be surprised if he did end up having a high freq. loss. Being that he is a micro preemie and I have a history of hearing loss it would not be completely shocking.

Xander goes to the same appointment on monday morning....

Happy Thanksgiving

Last year we had so much to be Thankful for....Braxton and Xander were alive and by this point, we were pretty sure the daily scares of death were behind us. However, this year we have so much more to be thankful for. The boys did not have to spend their Thanksgiving in the NICU, but were home with us....we were officially celebrating our first Thanksgiving as a family of 5!

We had a small gathering with a few of my cousins, my mom and my step dad, and my nephew. But all I could really focus on this day, was watching my babies cruise around the house--not having a clue of how special it was that they were here with us. One day they will realize the special gift they are to us and to many people around.

Praying over our food- Caden is very much into praying. :)

An attempt to get a group shot. we'll try again next year.

My little man...holding a chess piece, contemplating his next move.

Party ANIMAL...that's all I gotta say.

My cousin jaime (from Iowa), with her lil' 2nd cousins.

celebrating!

"auntie" Kirsten (my cousin) with Braxton. Having a moment.

RIP

My little ham!

This kid follows his GG around all day...as you see, they are in love.

Making sure we weren't burning the turkey (don't worry the oven isn't hot)

Grandpa doing what he loves to do, rock the kids to sleep.

Happy Thanksgiving!
xo

Can you hear me!?

Braxton and Xander have their hearing tests this week. Braxton's is tomorrow and Xander's is next week. I wish it were the same day, but I guess for this type of test they only do one a day. (time consuming).
They have to get to the appointment very tired and very hungry. Makes for a fun morning for mom and dad. So for tomorrow, I plan to wake Braxton up around 4 (or if he is on his schedule, he will wake ME up at 4). Then I will give a little milk, but he is going to be grumpy because he will want more and want to sleep. Phil has to come with me, because someone has to sit in the back with him, to make sure he doesn't fall asleep. The goal is to have him sound asleep for test. So right when they are about to do the test I will feed him and he will most likely konk out. The test takes about 30 minutes from what I understand and if he wakes up..well...then we have to reschedule and try again another time.
I NEED prayers that he will sleep-and sleep without moving. hmm...seems impossible, huh. NOthing is impossible tho (as we know!) Some places sedate but not this place I guess. Oddly enough..it's at Loma Linda...I"m surprised.

So tmw morning at 8:00 we will be attempting this test. My predictions are that he might have a slight hearing loss, but nothing worrisome.

thanks for the prayers.

Up date on twins

Braxton Edward:

As you know he had eye surgery in august (2010), in attempt to fix his crossed eyes and nystagmus. Right after surgery, they were great, then they started going crossed again. They are better than they were but still not straight. He gets around great, and appears to track much better. He doesn't take as long to find your face and to focus on it. But, with that said, there's still a lot of crossing going on.
Phil took him to the eye doctor on Thursday and the doctor said it would be best to have another surgery. So....that is what we are doing. We are waiting to hear what date we will do it. She seems to think another surgery will help even more. As far as if his eyes will be "perfect"....thats unknown. Our doctor is pregnant and going on leave in January. We would LOVE for her to do the surgery again before she goes on maternity leave. Praying this can happen. OTherwise her colleague would have to do it. She raves about her....and i've met her, but to ease my comfort I want what I'm use to--and what I know. I'm sad that braxton has to go through this again, but I'm excited to see more improvement.

Braxton is doing SO well as far as meeting milestones. He is crawling on all fours, pulling himself up on furniture, cruising along furniture, etc. He is even understanding cause and effect. I will open a toy and he knows to shut it. He knows a button will open that toy back up. It's amazing to see. He will cry when he meets new people (age appropriate), he will also stop crying when mommy or daddy holds him. Cognitively seems to be trucking along-- His movements, however, are not as fluid and smooth as xanders. He is more rigid and very unstable. When he pulls himself up, you still have to be near him cuz he will fall...hard. He doesn't quite catch himself with ease. It's getting better...he tries to catch himself, but not graceful at all. We were told this is probably due to the cerebellum bleed that he had in the hospital. That part of the brain controls movement/stability/coordination. I'm very proud of him....he had a grade 4 bleed (worse bleed you can have), and a bleed in his cerebellum and he's doing all this. No one thought it was going to happen! Our God is good....

Xander Phillip:
Xander is also doing very well. He is a little ham....he's also going to be my willful child for sure. He has a mind of his own and that mind is always going. He loves to be center of attention (hmm...sounds familiar). He, in my opinion, will be walking within a month. I would say by Christmas. He can stand for a few seconds by himself.
He has a cyst on the side of his eye. We are waiting to get a consult from the ped. surgeon to see about removing it. His lungs should be strong enough now to undergo the surgery. (always thinking, in the back of our mind, about the MRI scare in the hospital).
He has to see the dentist soon again...his teeth have some enamel issues. This is related to him being a preemie. We just have to be more on top of brushing and taking care of his little teeth to avoid cavities; it's easier for him to get them.

Both boys will continue to get OT, PT, IRC (inland regional center), and speech therapy. Both boys have their hearing tests next week, which I'm very curious about. I know they hear...but what sounds they hear is still a mystery. Xander didn't really turn to the sounds the doctor was making. However, he turns when you say his name. We'll see...

Thank you for your continued support and prayers through all this. Although we are not waking up daily wondering if our kids will be with us or not (thankfully), there are always new challenges with raising preemie twins (whom are 15 months old [actual] already) and a very active 2 year old. These challenges can easily bog us down with worry if we are not focused and surrounded by such encouraging people. So thanks :)

Developmental clinic update

Boys went to their appointment this week. The news I got was good....the Physical Therapist had so much to say about braxton's growth and development. She was very pleased to see he was crawling and cruising around furniture. She said, multiple times, she is not worried that he won't walk. She said it in such a way, that it was obvious she had that concern the last time. She did say he is still showing signs of having low tone (tightness) in his ankles, hamstrings and trunk. She showed us some stretches to do to help this. The fact that he is meeting those gross motor skills, though, is very good. VERY. God is so good....this kid wasn't suppose to be able to do any of the things he is doing now.
As for xander...she wasn't concerned with gross motor skills at all. In fact, her assessment on him took half the time. She did say that she would like to work on his attention span. He is very hyper and a big concern with preemies is ADHD. He's also a boy and so i"m not focusing all my energy on trying to label him (especially THAT label....happens too often, unnecessarily....i could on and on about labels. I'll spare you...)
health wise....their lungs sounded good. They have runny noses, but tis the season. No big concerns there.
Over all it was a good check up. We are moving in the right directions :)

GOd is so faithful and so amazing--without Him, I know my boys would not be here with us today. There's no doubt in my mind that God is going to use me...them...us for His glory. Can't wait. Bring it! ;)

Developemental clinic

Phil and I take the boys to the High Risk Infant clinic for a check up tomorrow-- This is the place where the different specialist look at them; physical therapist, dietitian, doctor, etc. I am always full of mixed emotions leading up to these appointments. Its the place where they tell you (or remind you I should say, because deep down I already know) how far behind they are or where they are lacking in different areas, etc. It's also the place where I get to hear, "wow, they are doing great." or "I can't believe how far they have come." And so on... Yes I hear these things already, but coming from the doctors that took care of them when they were just 8 days old, holds a whole different weight and registers way differently in my mind.

Will let you know how it goes.

Praying

Brothers

While caden sits and watches a netflix show, his brothers are in the other room having a deep deep conversation. (btw: Caden's attention span is that of a 8 year old when it comes to watching movies/shows on the computer...it's awesome)

The conversation got a little heated....They're brothers. It's bound to happen right. A little physical action is going to be second nature soon enough.

Xander: just hold on...that's not what happened.
Braxton: Well...mom isn't going to like this...we need to come up with a story.

Xander: yes! good call brother! I love it!

twins

I was watching a show this morning and they were talking about twins---they showed two men that were identical.

Yesterday I was at the gym--I had my iPod on, but turned down the volume to listen to the two ladies that were talking next to me. Yea, I know...kinda stalkerish and weird. But they were talking about having 5 year old twins. I had to hear what was being said.

At my church there are identical twin girls that are in the class I help out in.

I saw the movie, "social network" and if you have seen it, you know two of the main characters are identical twins. men.

Last weekend phil and I took the kids to the pumpkin patch and we ended up meeting a mom with her 4 year old twins boys.

Needless to say...now that I am a mom of twins, it seems like I"m a magnet to twin convos or seeing twins all around.

Many of you know that I have WANTED twins every since I was little. I even went as far to say I was GOING to have twins. Twin boys to be exact. I know..strange. My mom is a twin and I knew my grandma actually had two sets of twins. So it was bound to happen...in my mind. With that, I had all these preconceived ideas as what it would look like to be a mom of twins. I had the emotions already lined up and the experiences mapped out in my mind. It was a good picture I had.

No...I'm not now living a "bad picture"...but...my hopes and dreams of having a full term pregnancy with twins got flushed away. I never really got to feel them wrestle in my belly. Does this mean they wont have that same "twin" talk people mention...or the same closeness identical twins have?

All the talk and seeing twins around me is bittersweet. I'm working on accepting the way things are and letting go of what could of...or in my mind...should have been. After all...it was a long awaited dream that--well....sorta came true. Will my twins be in the same class....the same grade for that matter? The same school? Will they be on the same teams or can they even play the same sports. .....

sigh....

more on this later.

"working"

pic 1: xander just got into simbas water dish and got all wet. so he went free for a min. while everyone took an ice cream break. As you see xander wanted to try the ice cream. and did. and lOVED it.
pic 2: Caden enjoying his ice cream while sitting in his new chair. no my kids aren't spoiled ;)
pic 3: xander feeling like a king. ANd...caden not too sure about him sitting in "his" chair.


I was teaching my class yesterday when my phone kept going off. I kept getting a text message...and, yes...I was THAT teacher who tells the students to silence their phones and doesn't do it herself. (for the record...this was the first time that has happened). Poor girl was giving a presentation the oh so very rude interruptions.
When I was able to look at my phone, it was some pictures my mom sent while she was at home with the boys.

Standing there, in front of the class, I was looking at the pictures and had a permagrin. My kids are soo happy with GG and she does such an awesome job with them. It makes it that much easier to leave for a couple hours. BY THE WAY....she is here, ALONE for 3 hours with the three boys. An hour is hard. but three! Thanks MOM!

I AM BLESSED!

I am soo blessed that I have a mom that would come twice a week to watch the kids so I could get out and "work". I say "work" with quotations, because it's not really work to me. It has been so much fun teaching a college level course. Yes there is papers to grade and planning to do (not the most fun part), but once there, in class...it's an outlet. It allows me to use my teaching skills again. (After all...I did go to school for 7 years!) It reminds me that i still have a brain! ;) A few cobwebs here and there from motherhood...but it's slowly getting cleaned out.

I was just offered two more classes for next semester-- night courses...and if you know me. I'm not a night owl AT ALL. But...probably will make it happen.

*in case you are wondering where braxton is...he is sick. croup. So he was probably in bed during the all the fun*

Halloween

We had a fun family day at a huge pumpkin patch and then went to a local church to their harvest festival/carnival that evening. Caden really enjoyed himself...I think he is finally coming out of his shy/nervous shell. He was willing to try new things, where as last year (or even a few months ago) he was afraid of everything. Glad that stage is coming to an end. The twins just chilled....they don't get as anxious with noise and crowds. pheww....

I sorta felt like a freak show at a circus tho...I kid you not. EVERY turn we made, people starred at us. If they weren't staring they were making comments about our stroller, or about how we have our handsful. (I would be a RICH girl if I had a quarter everytime I heard the phrase, "wow you really have your handsful"). Some people asked if they were triplets (that was the first...but knew that would come sooner than later). I don't mind the attention (c'mon), but after awhile it does get a little embarrassing. I feel like I need to go home and practice my miss America wave so for the next time we are all out in public, I am prepared.