Dear Doctors

Dear Doctors,

I am 4 and a half months adjusted and I am touching my toes, rolling over, grabbing toys (at mid line), putting toys in my mouth, "talking", enjoying my tummy time, and smiling at my friends and family.

I am NOT eating from a G-tube, I am not blind, I did not have any surgeries, I am meeting all my gross motor mile stones. Not to mention, I am not using a trach, I am no longer on oxygen, and my apnea monitors are no where to be seen. oh, and I never got that shunt in my brain you predicted would need to happen.

When I was just 6 weeks old you told my parents to give up and let me be with Jesus. Thank you LORD for having a different plan for my life. I cannot wait to see what you have in store for me.

Sincerely,
The mighty X-Twins
(Braxton and Xander Carmona)

perspective

I'm a pretty mellow kind'a guy...I can lay contently on my play mat, or sit in my bumbo chair (longer than my brother can, i might add). or do tummy time and chew on my fingers. But my favorite thing is to be held. I love to snuggle up into anyone's neck. I start to get frustrated....really frustrated if you are not rhythmically tapping my back. oh and bouncing me, simultaneously. Okay, so maybe I'm not as "mellow" as I thought i was.
I use to startle very easily when my older brother would get right in my face and talk. But now he can be inches away and almost yelling and it doesn't faze me. It takes me a few seconds to focus on him, and as soon as i do, he leaves my sight. If only he would stay for a few more seconds so I can really see him.
If you really want to make me smile, just kiss me all over my face. If you want me to sleep....just rock me and bounce me. Don't even think of setting me down before i"m asleep. I will scream bloody murder and wake up my brother. My mom sure doesn't like that.
love, Braxton


I seeeeeeee you...i see you when you walk into the room, or when you leave. My whole head tracks which way you go. So if i'm trying to sleep, don't get into my line of vision, or it will make me cry because I rather be socializing. not sleeping.
I am a cat napper...I want to know what's going on and I want to be right in the middle of it. I love to smile and giggle at faces. I prefer mommy over everyone. Some say I'm a "mommas boy". I'm way better at soothing myself to sleep and I love my big brother caden. He's already my hero. I watch his every move.
I get frustrated when i drink my milk and it gets stuck in my throat. My mom says that will get better in time. It doesn't allow me to eat as quickly as my brother. I get tired out pretty easily.
I can handle chilling by myself. but not for long. Like I said, I like to be around people. More specifically, I love to be held. But don't hold me the way you want to hold me...hold me with your arm under my bottom and your other hand tapping my back. I guess I'm a little high maintenance.
love, Xander

"where?" "ball!" are my two favorite words to say right now. If you give me a ball I am a very happy camper. I like to call everything football though. I'm a little frustrated these days, though. I'm stuck in doors all the time. I get bored. My mom can only do so much for me. She tries her best to entertain me, but how much can she do when my brothers are screaming. Lately we have been taking walks. Thank God people come over to help my mom, that way we can do our walks and play at the park.
My brothers are turning into my best friends. I haven't hit them or hurt them in a really long time. I chose to kiss and hug them. All the time! I help my mom by throwing away diapers, getting her burp clothes, and handing my brother a toy when he is crying. Today braxton was screaming in his bed and I shook it in an attempt to soothe him, and I also said, "shh shh shh" like mommy does. It actually worked.
I'm excited that my brothers are getting bigger. I look forward to playing with them. I also look forward to leaving this house more often.
Love, Caden

THANK GOD for insurance

Phil and I finally got the anticipated medical statement from the hospital. We looked at the bottom of the bill, and it read $1500.00. Yea, that's not really pocket change, but compared to what the NICU cost, it felt like pennies.

We looked at the statement more closely and had to get a pen out to draw in commas between the numbers to see just how much ONE baby cost (mind you, at ONE hospital). For one baby at Loma Linda it was over 2 MILLION dollars! So the five month stay was over 4 million at Loma Linda. The 8 day stay at Riverside Community was just over 400,000 for one baby. We are looking at a total of over 5,000,000 dollars. needless to say, our mouths dropped.

like I said....THANK GOD for insurance!

one track mind (pic)

Scrolling down, you will see that Braxton has only one thing on his mind. He is trying so hard to attack his brothers head. it was really cute to watch.

success :)

high risk infant clinic

Phil and I took the boys to the clinic this week. It went as expected. I expected the PT to comment on braxton's muscle tone. She kept telling the other doctor in the room that it was increased. This means that it's tight. It wasn't so tight that she was concerned enough to slap on a label of CP right then and there. In fact, she said with PT and OT a lot of it could get better. (that and LOTS of prayer!) So that is what we are doing. We got referred for pt and ot once a week. (i'm thinking each appointment will be once a week, making it two appointments a week for braxton.) For Xander, his tone was a lot better, but they were trying to find a way to get him eligible for PT and OT too. Because he was so premature, he could benefit from the therapy as well. So he's going to get the same services weekly. YES...the thought of driving kids to these appointments and securing sitters for caden sounds nightmarish. BUUUT, I'm not going to freak out-- everything has worked out great thus far, I know it will be ok. (at least I keep telling myself that to avoid a panic attack).

Developmentally, the boys are right on track with their adjusted age, which is 4 months. In fact, in some areas (localization of sound), they fell in the 5 month range. So they are doing good there. This was great news.

Braxton weighs 13.2 lbs

Xander weighs 12.7 lbs

Oh, and some more great news is that Braxton is off the Apnea monitor! whoo hoooo. This will make life so much easier. So both boys are tube and wire free! Praise the LORD.

Both boys are teething. that has been really enjoyable! (sense some sarcasm?!). Braxton's tooth has actually started to poke through. He's not eating as much and sleep is rare. I'm ready for the tooth to come in so he can finally relax some.

I see some light at the end of the tunnel as far as feedings go. In fact I sit here, right now, at 4:45am. I should have fed the boys at 4, that would have been 4 hours since their last feedings, but they are still a sleep. I do NOT dare to wake them. Our goal is for them to go 6 hours in the night. We can do this as long as they keep gaining weight.

We are introducing our boys to the outside world (church) this sunday. I am really excited and I know people have been wanting to meet them. Its a special event this sunday, with church being outside. I thought being in the open air would be "safer" (thinking of germs and all). I was never a germ freak until we entered into the world of the NICU. The NICU is the most sterile place I've ever seen....and we had to become "that" in oder to enter into the unit. I definitely brought some of that home with me. With that said...I'm still apprehensive about letting people get too close and hold them. Any infection will most likely still go right to xander's weak lungs and he will end up in the hospital. Hopefully people will understand.

next...we wait for the boy's eye appointments. Xander has one coming up in May to check his vision and to look at a cyst growing on the side of his eye. Braxton's is early june to follow up on his crossed eyes. (which have shown some good improvements!).

ALL IN ALL, phil and I are pleased and continue to thank GOD for all He has done. It's truly amazing...sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around it.

I hear a babbling baby...guess i better go warm up their milk.

twins are 8 months old!

So hard to believe that our baby boys have been with us for 8 months already! I was just talking to a friend about how quickly their first birthdays are approaching. God has been soo good to us, it is unbelievable. 8 months ago I would have told you that I could never handle this journey. Who would say they could handle the ups and downs of the NICU; the scares and the what ifs and the unknowns; the juggling of a marriage, finances, and three kids.

almost three years ago phil and I got married and a month later we were packing up to move to riverside. At the time I knew it was for business. But God knew it was for so much more. I see it more clearly now, why He wanted us here. He saw the needs of our life before we even lived it. We are blessed to have our own business which PHil could have flexibility to visit our boys in the hospital and to help with the house/caden while I was on bed rest. God knew we would (after a year of searching) find an awesome church that we could call home. He knew how we would need all the support and encouragement only a "family" could give. God placed us in this house that we live in. It was bigger than we even thought we'd need. Why would the two of us need a 4 bedroom, 2500 sq. foot home?! We struggled at first with purchasing it, but then it was evident that God opened the doors. God knew our Family was going to instantly be growing, going from 2 to 5 in a matter of months. We are blessed to have a home that we can all live comfortably in.

All to say...these last 8 months, I have seen Gods hand on our life. Not to mention our boys lives. They are doing remarkably well! thank you for all the prayers. Braxton's eyes are slowly showing signs of improvement and his muscle tone is also getting better. We go next week to the clinic which they will give the boys an assessment to see where they fall on the charts developmentally. There is so much more prayer needed-- as they are still behind in many areas.

I leave you with a couple videos of our happy baby boys.

spoiled

I am SO blessed to be married to a man who sacrifices so many things...for me.

As some of you know, the boys sleep

down stairs in a twin pack n play. Our arrangement has been this;

I put caden to bed about 7/7:30

and then I start getting ready for bed myself and am pretty much

asleep by 8:30. Because I am up at 3 to start my day, Phil has

been sleeping on the couch with the

boys and doing the late/early morning feedings.

He wants to be sure I have

as much energy as possible to take care of all three (VERY energetic)

children at those early morning hours (well, and all day).

I just feel so blessed.

The other day I slept downstairs so he could get more rest

(he had to leave for a job at 6am). The next day I realized

how spoiled i really was.

doctor appointment results

Xander:

Xander's ENT appointment went well. They had to put a little camera down his nose to check out his vocal chords. (that was fun for us all! Of course I let phil hold xander while they did it.) As expected, he has a damaged vocal chord. It isn't paralyzed, but the nerve got pinched when they did the PDA ligation (around the heart). This is not a permanent thing and should go away within the year. This is the reason for his raspy breathing/voice. His muscles around the chord are very swollen as well, and this is caused by the reflux. I didn't realize it was that bad because he didn't show physical signs of it (spitting up, arching, etc.). But I shall continue the medicine and pray it gets better. We will go back in 3 months to see how he's doing.

Braxton:

Phil took braxton to the eye doctors yesterday. The good news is that his eye sight is actually pretty good. Most preemies are very near sighted. The ROP has resolved and the area that was raised that could have caused retinal detachment has improved. However, the fact that he's still crossing his eyes and he's 4 months adjusted is a problem. They will wait 4-6 more weeks to just see how it goes, and then will do the muscle surgery to correct this. Praying that no surgery is needed. I know anything is possible.

Next big appointment is april 20th. THis is where they will see all the Loma linda specialist, including doctors that took care of them while they were there. Very curious to see what they have to say about our little guys.

The life of caden

signing, "helicopter"

up to no good...as mom's back is turned. Yes...my fault. I left the fridge open. Just for a sec tho. (ps. this was taken before that cheese was all over the floor)

what? he's got some snot he's gotta be responsible for. ;) Amazing what he picks up as I take care of the babies. (i was laughing so hard when I turned around and saw this).

"Mr. Cool" (And me just messin' around with color.)

He LOVES balloons.

Easter Day

Easter is a time to reflect on a life, Jesus' life. He died...then rose again on this Easter day. It's also a day for me to reflect on another life, that of my dads. 11 years ago today, (feels like yesterday still) my dad died. He died suddenly, due to a brain aneurysm.

I'm sad and heartbroken as I am taken back to those moments of losing my dad. But after many years of struggle, I now have hope and joy knowing that Jesus lives and tells me I can call him "daddy". I will never fully comprehend why I had to lose my dad...but I now have a greater love and understanding of my heavenly father.

Happy Easter!

FREE

Our little Xander if FREE from all wires. Off. Completely! Apnea monitor is going back and the oxygen can stay off of him. (we will keep it for another month, though, in case he gets sick and may need it).

The nurse today asked, "how old was he when he was born." (guess she didn't look at his chart) I said, "23 weeks". Her face was classic. She was so shocked to hear that and then I said he was a twin and she was even more blown away (since twins are at an even higher risk). She used words like, "miracle" and "blessing". SURE IS!

I took xander, for the first time [taking any one of the twins] to his appointment. He did really well. Barely cried and slept most of the whole way there and back. phew! I was nervous about the screaming and my sanity.

praying for more good news at next week's appointments.

Recent pictures: Easter Fun

Having fun with daddy. Never a dull moment with these two.

Easter event at our local park

Watching intently at the band...I will be very surprised if Caden does not end up playing some kind of instrument. he LOVES music.

We got him to sit for a few minutes. This was taken just before he started to cry. My kid...cried?! ;)

Looking at the ducks in the petting zoo

Wasn't too sure about the bunny.

Easter Egg Hunt time

Which way do i go dad...?

his one and only egg. There were WAY too many kids and aggressive parents there. Should have grouped them 0-1 not 0-3. Oh well....next year you'll get more.

Tummy Time

Love the face, Xander

Looking good Braxton!

They love to lay next to eachother.