totally GOD

A friend and her two boys came over the other day. She said, "wow shawna, how do you do it. You always seem like you have such a great attitude."

I had to reassure her that that is not always the case. In fact, more often than not (definitely these last few weeks) I have been struggling big time. I find my self short tempered, lack tons of patience, and have some very selfish thoughts and actions. Life is not pleasant when you are short tempered and have 3 little kids. Nor is life fun when you have zero patience and you have 3 kids to care for.

The stress of this life God gave me has been building over time. It has effected my parenting, my ability to be a good friend, and my ability to be a good wife. Phil and I have had more arguments, and you can just feel the stress and tension in the air. it's crazy what stress does to a person/family. It literally can tear them apart...that is if you don't do something about it.

SO I chose to pray. To pray that I can get all those things; self control, patience, etc. Praying that phil and I get more time together so we can act like a married couple and not just be two people living in the same house. After awhile, the schedule we have starts to resembles the life of roomates. Having people in our life to encourage us and point us to God's truth is what will lead us in finding the ability to have patience and be slow to anger, to have self control and to be humble and gentle. Without God and these people in our lives, we are lost and we will crumble. No doubt about that.



The last couple days, specifically, I was a mess. I did NOT want this life, this life of huge responsibilities and pressure. I did NOT want to do what was right, but I wanted to run and escape from it all. I'm exhausted. I'm burnt out. The life I knew just a couple years ago seemed so much more attractive. I wanted THAT!

After myself and a few close friends have prayed these specific prayers. God showed his love and showed me how much HE is capable of if we just put ALL our trust in Him. His faithfulness this weekend allowed me to appreciate my life.

On Sunday, our pastor talked about how we will wipe out if we are not surrounded by people to encourage us. We will not make it if we pur ourselves in isolation. With Stress and responsiblities we tend to get busy and all that God called us to do gets put on the back burner. With that, the people we love and the things we care about also get put on the back burner. Slowly our life revolves around us and the focus is lost.

Already, hours later, I am seeing God work; my attitude has shifted and our house isn't clouded with that ugly fog of stress. Don't get me wrong...this life is stressful and we will continue to have those weak moments. Probably more often that we life. But after this weekend, I am determined to seek HIM first and allow HIM to direct my steps. Otherwise I am pushed so far off course that everyone around me is effected. And that is not love.