I never understood my feelings..and didn't think they were normal. That is, until this morning when I was on my preemie support website (www.inspire.com) and read about other moms who are having the same feelings as I did....do.
If you have never experienced what I have gone through, having a second home called the NICU, then you probably don't understand why I would miss it. Infact you would probably think it's pretty insane. How could anyone miss such a scary place.
But the truth is, as soon as I brought the boys home there was a sense of sadness. My life, for almost five months, of me going to the hospital, was abruptly stopping. Granted it was only for 2-3 hours a day, but those few hours allowed me to develop relationships with the nurses and the staff. Everyday I felt as though I was visiting my family. They went through everything with me. They grieved when we grieved and they rejoiced with us, when the boys reached different milestones. Two of my nurses have already come to visit us a couple times. They will be life time friends and we will be forever grateful for all they did for our little miracles.
It's nice to know that I am not alone when I still find myself thinking and missing the NICU. It's a place that will change your life. The things we saw and heard and felt will forever be engraved in my mind.
Interestingly enough, I still have the NICU phone number on speed dial on my phone (since we called multiple times a day). I see it there everyday...but I have yet to erase it. not sure why... perhaps that's another blog post...
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