Our first outing

The boys, and I mean ALL the boys, had their first outing yesterday. We went (with help of course) to babies r us to buy them their crib mattress's. I had one cart with caden and a car seat and then one baby was in the other cart. Needless to say, It was a sight. And surprisingly, the babies did really well. That is until they got hungry. We made a bit of a scene with the loud cries--got a few questions and a few comments, "wow, you are a busy mom!" " oh my, how old is your oldest. wow, you are a busy woman!" (i get that a lot, the busy mom part). It's funny, I would be a rich women if I had a quarter for every time I heard that.
I won't lie. I was nervous to do this errand. But after the success, the world will be exposed to the chaos much more often (with my helpers of course). Okay, so maybe chaos is a little overstated.

Good job boys!

Caden!

Love this kid!

A trip to Holland

Having a child born prematurely
is like planning a trip to Italy, getting of a plane and landing in Holland.

"But I don't know anything about Holland!I don't want to stay!" you say, but you do stay.

You go out and buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases, and you meet people you never knew existed.

The important thing is that you are not in a filthy, plague infested slum full of pestilence and famine.

You are simply in a different place than you had planned.

it's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you catch your breath, you

begin to discover that Holland has windmills.

Holland has tulips.Holland has Rembrandts.'

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy.

They're all bragging about what a great time they had there, and for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's what I had planned."

The pain of that will never go away. you have to accept that pain because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

but if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

author: Carol Turkington

Happy Mother's Day! This made me really appreciate what I have and where I am at. IT's a great perspective to have when your plans don't go your way. My life isn't what I thought it would be. My dreams as a mom have changed. But everyday I learn to appreciate my journey and thank God more and more for the path he is taking me on. I grieve my pregnancy on a regular basis. I never really felt my boys play in my belly. The traumatic birth, the exhausting NICU visits, the wires, the beeps, the scares, All which I never wanted. Through it all, I have grown. I have learned so much. I am more patient. More loving. More understanding. I am a work in progress... learning to be even more patient, loving and understanding.

convertible

I was driving behind a red convertible today. For about 5 miles I watched as the two young girls danced and sang to their loud music and laughed as their hair was bouncing in the wind. We were in traffic...but that didn't seem to bother them. They were in a convertible. With the top down! It looked as though they were driving the the beach. hmm...must be nice.

I couldn't help but feel envious. jealous. It reminded me of myself...it was only a couple years ago I was doing the same thing. Made me really miss those days.

Then I get home and see my baby boys. As soon as I walk in the room (the second xander sees me) he smiles so big it brings me to laughter. I pick him up and playfully kiss him. He wouldn't stop giggling out loud. He laughed so hard that his little shoulders bounced up and down. I laughed.

I quickly forget about my jealous heart and thanked God for the life I lead now. Not to long from now, my boys and I will be laughing and dancing to our own loud music, as we drive to the beach. :)

therapy pictures

Sensory integration

They weren't too sure at first...then really enjoyed the rice.










































caden enjoyed it even more!

bye bye BPD clinic

The last words I heard after leaving this week's appointment was, "have a nice life". Mr xander is cleared from the BPD clinic. [Bronchopulmonary dysplasia involves abnormal development of lung tissue. It is characterized by inflammation and scarring in the lungs. It develops most often in premature babies, who are born with underdeveloped lungs.] After going to the BPD clinic every month for 4 months, they feel he is doing well enough to be "discharged" from their services. Yes, his lungs are still fragile and still developing, but he does not need to see the pulmonary specialist anymore; his pediatrician can take care of all his health needs from this point on.

He is weighing in at 13 pounds...the dietitian thought that he was making good progress, however, he is still close to following off the growth charts. So she has decided to increase his calorie intake to 27 (My little chunker, braxton, is still at 22).

All in all, This was great news!!

A Loud and BUSY day

At last...I sit on my bed. Silence. Solitude. And it's only 5:45pm. Mr. Mac and Miss Cabernet Sauvigon accompany me, as I try to break away from the madness (and I mean that in all it's entirety).

My day started out good...I got plenty of sleep, got up to feed the babies around 4:30 and even managed to do a workout video. I vacuumed and even did a load of laundry. And then it starts.

Dad leaves for work today at 7am, caden is cranky and bored. AND Sick. green snot dripping down his nose is not a pretty sight. I quickly tell him (in the most enthusiastic voice I can conjure up), "why don't you go outside and play with your bubbles". NO more persuading needed after he heard the word, bubbles. Meanwhile, while I'm rocking (more like jolting because that's what he likes) braxton to soothe him, and making goo goo, gaa gaa faces (it's no wonder I am no longer fluent in English.) at xander to keep him from screeching, caden has quietly come back in the house and managed to pour a bottle of water all over the floor. I get it cleaned up. When I'm putting the towel back in the dirty clothes, I hear, "splash". He poured the rest of the water out. I was sure I put the bottle far enough away from him.

Needless to say, my house was loud today. The Crying, The conversations, more crying, tv, teacher's voice, not to mention the voices in my head saying, "remember to call the PT/OT doctor, oh and remember to follow up with the insurance company. Don't forget to call the pediatrician to get that referral processed." No, I never got to those phone calls. EVEN with my friends here helping (thank you by the way!), I wasn't able to take time to make my calls. The good news is, they will still be there tomorrow.

by the way...Braxton now has a runny nose. Poor guy can't breathe. This makes for a very fussy baby. A runny nose AND teething. Loads of fun.

2pm rolls around and the babies are still not asleep. Rocking, singing, making faces. Even tried doing exercises with them in an attempt to tire them out. 3 o clock, phil walks in, and of course all I want to do is hand over the babies and say, "here. your turn." But I can't. He's still working. I watch him walk up stairs, thinking, "you are so lucky!" 4 o clock, 5, and now almost 6, I can still hear them downstairs crying as I sit here typing.

I managed to cook a quick spaghetti dinner, take the trash out, pour the bottles. Phil walks up behind me and asks, "is everything okay." The answer...no. It was such a LOUD and BUSY day.

I'm blessed to have a husband that cares so much. As a result...here I get to sit. alone. :)